one for slappy

Here's a quick story. I got back from Dublin on Monday morning and slept most of the day, but I knew I had to attend and Opera with one of my classes, and it was free so I just decided fuck it, I'll check it out. I'd been in just about as shitty of a mood possible that day, and drank 3/4 a bottle of wine before I left. I was getting a little sober as I arrived at the Opera house and I was early. I dragged 2 people with me to find a pub before it started and drank a beer and a whiskey. When it was time to go to the theatre I got my ticket from my teacher, went inside, and saw a bar. I downed a beer in about a minute before I walked into my seat. The only available seat was next to my teacher, which I didn't because he's a nice guy and all, and used to my antics. Well, I fell asleep about 5 minutes into the Opera. A DEEP sleep. The next thing I knew, I was awake and the audience was applauding. My teacher looked at me and chuckled and we left. I got home, went to a bar, had a long conversation with a guy about our families and friends and went to bed. I liked Ireland alot though. Hmmm, we'll see if I can manage to pull some more posts out of my ass this week.
Oh snazbot.

Another shit update.

Upon being the only heterosexual male on my floor this whole semester, I've come to a conclusion. Girls can clog toilets too. Didn't think it was possible, eh? These people back that shit up like there's no tomorrow.
That is all,
Oh snazbot

don't read this post if you don't like toilet jokes

Hello, hello.
It's been quite a while since I've written in this... again. I've been meaning to post this story all week. Here it goes.
I think about a week ago (maybe a couple days short) I woke up, hung over, and had to ...poop. BAD. It was an emergency to where I had to throw some shorts on and run to the toilet IMMEDIATELY. So I walk in, and other than frantically ripping my pants down and destroying the inside of the toilet, I notice that the seat is broken (not the part you sit on, the top that closes the toilet.) Anyway, this shit is absolutely fucking gross. Maybe one of the worst I've ever taken (I'm not just exaggerating for this story). It was so awful. As I'm finishing up, I see someone trying to get into the bathroom I'm in but realize that I've locked it. I didn't think anything of it. So I finish up eventually and go back into my room to grab my backpack, because I have class. As I'm leaving I see a guy in the bathroom with his head over the toilet, gagging and shit and breathing all funny (because I was just in there)... but he's there to fix the toilet seat! If he had gone in just a minute earlier, he wouldn't of had to directly smell the horrific shit I took . And I know he hated me. I walked outside and burst into laughter. You sort of had to see the way this guy looked hovering over the shitter, coughing and his face all red and stuff. He actually was trying to hard to pull his head away and fix the seat at the same time. I only caught a glimpse for a quick second, but I saw it clearly nonetheless.
I'm rich

You couldn't crack a Foster's, I didn't catch youre name

I'm sitting in my friend's room drinking Foster's right now. It's 2:30am here. I'm not sure what to write about.. OH! But on Halloween (other than having the best night of my life) I ran into the "Fuck Yes" dude from my first post. I actually went to his house! He was high an his hair was slicked. He tried hitting on my girl and it didn't work (which I'm still surprised at, because like I said, he's the long tan and handsome type). His name is... shit I forgot.
Shout out to Mike Katz, you're a faggot for life.
Shit, I said I wouldn't never write any sad or sappy shit here, but I love a spanish girl who likes me back. It's great.
I watch movies online for free in my room every night like a miserable fuck and wake up late and go to class late and fall asleep again and wake up and drink. I miss my friends in CT, I miss Jettison, and Ross and making fun of every person I see. I still do it here, but I can only fuck with them to myself because no one will listen to my stupid jokes. SSSSSSSSs.
I haven't bought cigarettes in such a long time, I'm proud of that. I just wait for people to throw them on the ground. I live the life of a bum here.
I can't think of anything funny, but I did write "DRACULA" on my door, and no one thinks it's funny, they just don't get it. In fact, I brought the girl back to my room on Halloween, and she said "why DRACULA? ...." and I said "It's funny!" and she gave me a shitty fake laugh.
This post is going nowhere. I'm just waiting to think of something good. Sam's dad is funny, but I don't even have to explain that. (http://yalemedicine.yale.edu/ym_fw04/resources/photos/glickstein.jpg).
What else is funny? People in England with bad teeth! I've seen plenty. I've talked to plenty. My english teacher with bad teeth keeps on trying to hit on this girl I used to like (until I saw that she had a better moustache than me) and it's great. He talks to her intimately like he's interested., and ignores me when I saw something smarter than her. It's a bit funny.
Goddamnit,
IT'S ALL IN THE NIKES!

Come on and SLAM , and welcome to the JAM

I'm sitting in the school Library surrounded by snakes. Contemplating reading a book. I'm really thirsty though, because I'm eating a chocolate bar. I went to a concert last night. A dude in my dorm offered to let me go with him because he had an extra ticket. The first band was a sort of folk-duo type thing. They were great live, but I'm not really into the recordings they have. The other band was sort of strange, but one of the two female lead singers was this blonde (maybe half Hispanic) girl with tattoos who I fell in love with immediately. I can't remember the name of either band... but the one with the girl was from America. And I tried to talk to one of the girls in the band before they played (she was at their merch table) by saying "Hey! I'm from America too!" She said "cool" and continued selling her £10 t-shirts (fucking rip-off, didn't buy anything from her). Honestly, what a bitch. If my band was in London and some American came up to me and tried to be nice by saying that he/she was from America I'd be so stoked! But I get "cool". What the fuck? I should have said "Oh yeah? You know what else is cool? I listened to your band on youtube today and you play stupid, shitty music and you suck. I got this ticket for free and I hope your plane crashes before your next European tour stop you rich motherfuckers."
Yeah... that would have made me feel better about the whole situation

Can't Catch Casper

Well, nothing really exciting or funny has happened to me as of late, but I did attempt to go ghost hunting 2 nights ago... and I DID go ghost hunting. I just didn't find anything. I had a sudden urge to do this the day of (it was a Wednesday) and I spent about 4 hours doing research online and putting together a list of directions to get from one spot to the next, and it was ALL planned out perfectly. So around 8pm my friend calls me and says "oh, we're going to Froebel bar to have some drinks and blah blah blah" and I replied with, "No you're not dude, you're coming fuckin ghost hunting with me tonight". So he asked the dude he was with if he wanted to go ghost hunting, and of course he wanted to... he just didn't sound all that thrilled.
WHATEVER, we went. Most of the places were either impossible to get into, or the directions were wrong. I will try again in the coming weeks. There's this house that's supposedly really haunted in Westminster. I will go.

A Fridge With No Door Is An Air Conditioner

I didn't post anything yesterday. For this blog I'm going to leave out anything depressing/miserable and post funny/happy stories. If you want depressing/miserable, you can wait, because there will be plenty of that on the next Jettison record.. which is slowly coming along, by the way.. sloowly.

BUT... I have funny story from last night. My day was surprisingly very enjoyable yesterday. I woke up early (about 7:oo), made myself breakfast, went to embankment station, and spent most of the day with my "London As A Resource" class walking around central London. My teacher smoked cigarettes while teaching us, which I found hilariously strange. He has bad teeth, and he's smart and has the accent and all. Coolest teacher I have though. We went to some court houses, and I asked if we could get in on any murder trials and he said there wasn't much at that particular court, so he took us to one that has them more frequently. Unsuccessful, however.

ANYWAY, my day was fun blah blah blah. That night I went home. And I treated myself to a nicer bottle of wine than I normally would on a Wednesday night (but I don't have class until 4 on Thursdays), and I drank it. I went out and had a nice time with some friends, and ultimately ended up in my kitchen, alone and hungry. So I get some of my shit from the refrigerator an I'm kneeling down (because the tallest fucking dude on the floor of course gets the bottom shelf), and I fall on my ass. Well, obviously I need to get off of my ass to make a sandwich, so I (drunk) grab the open refrigerator door to pull my self up, and the entire fucking door breaks the fuck off. And I go "Shit!". At which point, I clumsily attempt to get the door back on its hinges, and I'm thinking in my mind that if I'm not able to, I'll just make it look closed so that the next person who opens it up will break it off again and I'd just act surprised and angry blah blah. But in this drunken state, I can't even do that successfully, and some girl on my floor walks in to me trying to get this broken fridge door back on, and goes "Greg! What did you do!?" I immediately drop the door and throw my hands up and say "I swear to God it wasn't me! I'm just trying to fix it!" Obviously she doesn't believe me, because I might have drooled those words out to where she didn't even understand, and she calls for other people to help her get it back on. And I'm standing there like an idiot with a stupid smile on my face watching them piss each other off trying to get it back on. Finally it's on and the first girl tells me to go to bed, to which I respond: "No, I'm still making my fucking sandwich."

End of story.. I made the sandwich, fell asleep and woke up, feeling fine.
snakes